Hello?! Is She Here?!

Things I've Learned In the Last Month Since I Haven't Blogged:

Im the worst blogger ever... apparently, to keep a following, you must keep blogging. I still love and appreciate my 7 followers. thank you for your support.

If your new puppy has something in his mouth, don't smell it. Because he'll jump on you at the exact time you are smelling and you'll eat it. And only THEN will you realize he eats poop. And now you eat it too. Second hand poop, nonetheless.

Definitely get a puppy before a baby. I've learned mountains about my new husbands ability to take care of things... aka he doesn't, and it's all up to you until you create a "routine" (thank you little sister Brooke) and then he'll catch on. (God willing...)

Thinking about working out does not make you lose weight you gained since your wedding. No matter how hard you try... weight does not "fall off" and whoever came up with that term can suck it.

Boobs do get you free drinks. (duh, i just wanted to say boobs)

If you have a best friend in another time zone, it's perfect if she doesn't work, because she can talk whenever you can. If said friend gets a job, communication fails and then it's very inconvenient because now you have to work around both schedules.

I am jealous of my single friends... only b/c a random weekend away comes up and I can't jump on the bandwagon b/c i have to "check" with my husband. I hated that when I was single with married friends. But I get it now... I don't like it, but I get it.

Sex can be "wham bam" or "sexy... yeah" and it's still super great either way. (mom, don't tell dad I said that... if he asks, I've never done it and my future babies are related to Jesus b/c I've "never seen a penis"... im serious.)

People who weigh less than 120 lbs really piss me off. Not b/c I'm J, but b/c they probably think I'm J and im more grossed out than anything.

ok guys, I think I'm back. between moving, puppies, actually making it one year married without missing my sister and her shoe sharing too much, I think I can fit yall back into my schedule.

xoxo Casey :)

My New Babies

After less than a year of marriage, Steven and I are going to be parents!!! Now, stop assuming I'm pregnant or we are having a man child. Because we're not... we're having puppies! That's right, two puppies! And as fate has it, they are being dropped off at our new house... the same day our furniture is being dropped off at our house. Yes, we are moving into a new house too! And it's all happening this Saturday. 4 days. Have we packed? no. Have we bought puppy supplies? yes.

Augusta Georgia Palmer

Arnold Palmer

I feel the need to overwhelm the internet and my friends, with pictures of my babies. So here are my babies, Arnold and Augusta Georgia, and the necessities we have purchased.

My life is about to change in a major way.

You know it's a bad day when...

The stretchy pants you're wearing are a little too snug so you go put on your husbands boxers which are a much better fit.

As of now, I am officially Ana*.

*Ana = Anorexic (thanks to CL for teaching me lingo such as this... also included is Appy = Appetizer which my husband now uses frequently. that's kind of weird)

Funny that immediately after becoming anorexic, I mention Appys... I think I'll only be Ana until breakfast tomorrow, but it's a good start, right?

Moving Day?! We Totally Forgot

Have you ever moved? I've moved plenty of times... But this time is different. I might be a little over the top excited, but you need to understand something. We are currently living on the 3rd floor of an apartment, no elevator. read: no elevator. I have received many blood blisters on my arms from carrying the plastic bagged groceries all in one trip because I refuse to make multiple trips. I'll leave eggs in the car before I make a second trip. Call me lazy, but I prefer to think of myself as efficient. (and maybe a little lazy). I still have 10 yards of fabric in my front seat because I really can't be bothered to take it upstairs, just to bring it back down again for my reupholstering! Obviously!

So here we are. We are moving. Next Saturday. It's Thursday night. We have plenty of boxes to move, but the one problem is, they are empty. I keep thinking that I'll wake up in the morning and it'll be done. (I believed a little too much of Bewitched and I Dream of Jeanie. Both are still on TV, and yes, I still try to twitch my nose and wiggle my belly. Let's just say you don't want to be around when I'm doing that...not attractive).

So what do I do? Do I actually have to pack the stuff myself? You can't blame me for this mentality. When I moved to LA... bought all new stuff... moved back home, I sold it all. When I moved to the apartment with Steven, my parents (SOO THANKFUL) moved me in while I was on my honeymoon. So technically, I've really never moved if you think about it. So how am I supposed to know what to do?

I'll tell you what I'll do. Tomorrow, I'll take the first step. I'll go buy some tape. And some boxed wine. That'll get me going.

My Mustache, and I'm No Tranny

As ladies, we all have one.

That little round magnifying mirror, back lit by an adjustable light so we can obsess and dissect all of those flaws and imperfections that shouldn't be there, but tend to only be seen in this mirror of ours. "Picking" as my little sister Lisa calls it. But, have you ever looked into that mirror and... God forbid... said to yourself,

"SH*T! I have a mustache!!!!"

well, this recently happened to me (about 10 years ago) and I want to share with you the secret that my mother introduced me to. No bleaching, no waxing... just a little healthy, made for your face, razor.

Christi Harris.

Works like a charm.

(they also work for those little whiskers that pop up, unwanted and 3" long, on you chin... I don't have those, I've just heard)

Language of Mothers

The picture you see below is what

mothers call a Pack 'n Play, as I have recently learned.

The picture you now see below is what I THOUGHT was a Pack 'n Play.

(I mean, he's all packed up and he looks ready to play soooo....)

You can see there is a major difference in the actuality of the piece as opposed to what my mind imagined it to be. I bring this up because The Language of Baby is something that is becoming more prominent in my life whether I am prepared for it or not. My friends and my sister are all mothers now so with that comes the terms "boppy", "binky", "lovey", "dougie", and many more. (no offense, but I think a vocally impaired individual must have been the first mother if these are the terms we are so prevalently using today)

How am I supposed to have conversations about your child when you use words I don't know? If my sister keeps using words I can't understand, I'm going to start using words she can't understand, such as: quiet, alone time, restful, martini, loud sex whenever and wherever (well, that's a phrase, but you get it), long hair, dinner reservations after 8pm, and so on...

Why don't we just call it a pacifier, a blanket, or a portable crib, as these things so obviously are? I'll tell you why... it's so the mothers of the world can have this secret little club with other mothers and they can laugh at the misfortune of us breeders, who haven't bred yet. Well, jokes on you, ladies... because I can still close down the bar, watch a lifetime movie marathon all weekend with no interruptions, and sleep until whenever I feel like it. Don't get me wrong, I'll be joining your little club one day (who wouldn't want me to reproduce?!) so I'll be right smack in the middle of it, but until then, be gentle and patient with us non-moms. I only act annoyed because I'm not in this club and I love to be in clubs. (I also don't wait in line or pay to get into places)

So, again, be mindful with your high pitched squeals of Baby Language. And yes, because I know you are wondering, I am available for baby sitting contrary to what you may believe. Although I tend to use more grown up words with the children, because honestly, they really have no idea what we are saying. And thank God for that.

The Favorite Child Syndrome

(actual family photo... we call it "smile with your eyes"... my mom calls it "the professional photo you couldn't follow directions for")

I love my mom. We are so blessed to have a family that not only just gets along with one another, but we really, actually, enjoy being with each other. My sisters are closer to me than any friend of mine and my parents are, (don't let their heads blow up) but they are actually cool. Case in point, I took my mom to the Country Club tonight and she definitely can hang. (she actually raised me how to hang at the club, thanks to Pink Lemonade Manners Class and private manners classes from Madame Butterfly. I know that CL, Sal, and B are as ever thankful as myself.) My mom says that thanks to her, we could eat a dinner at the white house and fit right in. ( I don't know about you, but I'd rather eat dinner at G Dub's Ranch than at the white house with that Obama). anywho....

So we were chatting about something or another and my mom says, well, your father and I never had favorites, did we? hmmm... I blurted out my middle sisters name and immediately regretted it. She looked genuinely confused and perplexed. Which leads me to believe, that maybe, just maybe, she didn't have a favorite.(well, conciously she didn't) No hurt feelings, no negative feelings on my part, but lets be honest... We all have people we introduce, as follows, which shows the importance of their life to yours:
1) This is ____, my best friend.
2) This is my good friend, ____.
3) This is my friend, ___.
4) This is _____, have you met her?
5) This is ____. We work together.
or the infamous,
6) You introduce the date you came with b/c, for the life of you, you cannot remember the person you are introducing them to, even though they've asked you about your wedding, your sisters, your parents, and how excited you are about moving into your new house. I still have no idea who you are.
or my favorite
7) Hi. Have you met my sister, Lisa? She's single and loves to make out. (heheheh Lolita HATES when I do that, but it's just so funny, I can't help it!)

This gets me thinking, you obviously get along with some people better than others. So why wouldn't parents have the same dilemna? My mom says that she loves that we are all so different and we all have amazing relationships. (very good parent answer) All true things. I explained to her that I think Brooke is more of... what is that word??? oh yeah, a grown up adult. My mom is a grown up adult so why wouldn't they get along perfectly? People tend to think I'm still 24- 25 (which I adore) and my youngest sister pointed out, "Yeah, that's because you act like it Casey." Thanks, Lis, Thanks.

I digress. I don't have kids, but I will someday. How do you not have a favorite? I don't want to, but isn't it inevitable? Maybe it's just "today this one's being a sh*t so obviously I am preferring the other right now".? Or "thank goodness we raised one "right" that got off the payroll before 30. (I barely missed the cut-off by a week... what was I THINKING scheduling my wedding a week after my 30th birthday!?) what happened to self sufficiency?". Or it could be the old "This one gave me a grandchild first. When will the others catch up?" :) I kid, I kid (kind of).

Anyways, there are those crazies who have bred crazies and of course they have favorites. But I truly believe my parents love all three of us girls the same. At times, I drive my mom so crazy so she has to talk to the others about it and vice versa. But when it comes down to it, let's just say they are lucky to have any of us at all, and we couldn't have been given better parents ourselves. God is Good.

PS: MOM - IM TAKING OFF FRIDAY TO FINISH MY DAMN THANK YOU NOTES. I APPRECIATE YOUR ANNOYING PERSISTANCE. :)