Language of Mothers

The picture you see below is what

mothers call a Pack 'n Play, as I have recently learned.

The picture you now see below is what I THOUGHT was a Pack 'n Play.

(I mean, he's all packed up and he looks ready to play soooo....)

You can see there is a major difference in the actuality of the piece as opposed to what my mind imagined it to be. I bring this up because The Language of Baby is something that is becoming more prominent in my life whether I am prepared for it or not. My friends and my sister are all mothers now so with that comes the terms "boppy", "binky", "lovey", "dougie", and many more. (no offense, but I think a vocally impaired individual must have been the first mother if these are the terms we are so prevalently using today)

How am I supposed to have conversations about your child when you use words I don't know? If my sister keeps using words I can't understand, I'm going to start using words she can't understand, such as: quiet, alone time, restful, martini, loud sex whenever and wherever (well, that's a phrase, but you get it), long hair, dinner reservations after 8pm, and so on...

Why don't we just call it a pacifier, a blanket, or a portable crib, as these things so obviously are? I'll tell you why... it's so the mothers of the world can have this secret little club with other mothers and they can laugh at the misfortune of us breeders, who haven't bred yet. Well, jokes on you, ladies... because I can still close down the bar, watch a lifetime movie marathon all weekend with no interruptions, and sleep until whenever I feel like it. Don't get me wrong, I'll be joining your little club one day (who wouldn't want me to reproduce?!) so I'll be right smack in the middle of it, but until then, be gentle and patient with us non-moms. I only act annoyed because I'm not in this club and I love to be in clubs. (I also don't wait in line or pay to get into places)

So, again, be mindful with your high pitched squeals of Baby Language. And yes, because I know you are wondering, I am available for baby sitting contrary to what you may believe. Although I tend to use more grown up words with the children, because honestly, they really have no idea what we are saying. And thank God for that.